to be alone and lonely ii

four years i have loved you,
four years we have known each other
four years we have known more people, more cities

kampala, moshi, dar es salaam, zanzibar
and when i was in milan, you met her
and when i was with him, you left her

and now that we know nairobi like the palm of our hands
I cannot believe it has been four years
and still you are not mine

have i not given all the cues
have i not given all the cues a girl should?
yet, you linger passively

we linger passively –
perhaps you never really wanted me
and perhaps, i will never let you leave

how when
and whom i love next
i do not know

what i know is i do not know how to love –
to salvage my own, i pierce your heart
with many griefs

and you do not know how to love either
you love like me
when you speak, you speak only of yourself

though your hands, your feet, your speech
are laced with affection,
your eyes avoid mine and that betrays you

the way you move betrays you
how you walk away betrays you –
my love, you have never known love

and though i am often alone and lonely,
i find the more i know you, the less i want to
for in knowing you, i lose my imagination of you

i am no fair lover –
my heart is a cold unimaginable thing –
you ask me where is your faith?

but you do not know
when you are not here with me
i always pray that we will be more tender

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s