p.s: perhaps this poem is the only public declaration i will ever make of my continual affection for you

perhaps as reconciliation
i will try to never forget –
i will try not to forget you
i will try not to forget all we lived together

(but really, how can i forget?)

it was many seasons back, but it seems yesterday
you seated a few paces from me, friday evening
watching me –
watching me play with gentle almost-still water currents
watching me watch three yellow wild flowers
float down the river

‘wild card’  you once said of me.

why are some sweet things laden with guilt?
a white rose is tucked in your black trench,
while you lean against a pole and smile
at me one early saturday morning
you introduce me to indie music
and what with the ripe juicy tangerines in the morning
and more coloured roses for a whole morning’s breakfast
and that childlike playfulness of ours that was camouflage

‘tentatrice’ you would called me, and often.

i’ve come to accept, some good things die as well,
there’s a moment stuck in time where you send  me
afternoon videos showing me your new military haircut
and your grandmother’s compound and her chickens, rabbits, olive trees
and 2am, 3 am ‘good-night-good-morning’ voice messages i wake up to
and in that capsule of time,
there is that squeal of a laughter that you spill at times
there is you holding and rubbing my feet underneath restaurant tables
there is you driving me home at midnight, your hand on my hand, on my thigh
there is you wanting to kiss me in public, this is africa, don’t you forget

that floating capsule of time shards
when we fail the promises we made to each other
and now we are busy living as though what we had was not what we had

‘magnificent like the ocean’ you wrote of me, to me in that journal notebook you gifted me.

all these times, my heart leaped –
and i was praying that you were the answer
for life, for life, for visibility

and for a while, you were

but now?


moments  – less intense – swing by

glide along with them


you stare


into the days
played together


that i
that girl again

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